Feeling good is a choice: Stability in cases of overwhelming emotions.

It was a slow evening. I had just gotten after my daily practice of volleyball, attended after school classes and returned home. As a child in her early teen years I was able to gobble up food without feeling full and it was one such day. Prior to Instagram and Twitter (now X) I used to go on to Google and search up quotes and post them to complete my daily routine. It was nothing but a means to show how cool I was. Embarrassing, yet I find it cute now. I scrolled and scrolled, page after page reflected in my eyes inside the dark room and just when I was about to lose all my thumbprints, I found one.

It said, “Relax, it’s just a bad day, not a bad life”

One thing to be said, I did not understand what it meant. To me a bad day meant a bad week and by the time the week has gone by, I would have something else to be embarrassed about and the cycle continued. Well, you should not really take advice from someone who has no idea how to manage her emotions and who's actions are purely driven by it. I was a rotten little tomato back then. I allowed for circumstances to affect my emotions and the stability and instability of my emotions purely depended on how I was feeling at the moment. As a result, I had developed crooked world views by the time I reached my adult years.

‘You are what you believe’

Wise words, a simple truth. The same can change meaning depending on its reader. We are all born simple but by the time we reach adulthood we all have a few filters on. Those filters can mean anything, like how a quaint night can be soothing to some and bring terror to others, depending on what you have experienced.

Who does the blame lie with, me, you or someone else? After all, you cannot blame the night. How about blaming those experiences? If not for them, we wouldn't be the way we are. 

But, does it matter who the blame lies with? The past cannot be changed and what’s experienced cannot be forgotten, but can’t the lesson be learnt? We get to know what is right and what is wrong, who is good to us and who isn't and whether acceptance is a poison or a pill.

I vividly remember what happened in January of a certain year. I was questioned and stripped off of everything I believed to be the truth and was forced to look at the cowardly and sinful faces of my dearest relatives. It was not a pretty experience, after all the people I was looking at were those I believed loved me from the bottom of their hearts and those I respected. The scene was hard to digest. I could have gone in two different directions. I could have sought revenge or I could’ve let go.

What difference does the first option make? I could make them feel the same pain they fostered upon me. I could carry that heaviness throughout and make them feel the same. I can also make them lose the things I lost. But, what then? After all of it is done, I would be the same as them, maybe with a bit more heaviness and pain but the past would remain the same.

The second option is that, I let go. Accept people for who they are and do not associate with them in the future. Maybe the things I lost were not meant to stay in my life forever and the human heart is the most unpredictable. Do what is best for you and move forward, those who made the mistakes will pay for it. I am but a mere human. I chose the second option and decided to be rational and ‘ruthless’. Acceptance was hard but it made life easier. I did not have to care about many things as I did before, the heaviness of the past and the responsibility of having to care for the wrong people were gone. I was happier when I was seemingly ruthless. To be honest, I really couldn't bring myself to seek revenge. In a sense, I was cowardly and that somehow saved me. 

Now that I think about it, no matter what option I chose, I would have believed I chose the right one. And my actions would be in accordance with such beliefs. When I am warped in my emotions, the resentment that consumed me would have prompted me to take extreme actions and when I am rational, I would have been more detached and would be able to deal with my emotions lightly.

The eyes see, the brains perceive. What a magical little thing. The same sea we look at can feel different because I have never step foot in a ship whereas you have experienced the terrors of the ocean.

The brain is such a weird little thing, probably the strangest being in existence. She makes me feel things, all sorts of things that I fail to question why.

She gives me images, complicated perceptions, makes choices that affect the lives of many, brings intricate ideas into existence yet cannot distinguish illusions from reality. You must ask me why I have such questions in mind. It all started when I experienced someone having hallucinations first-hand. I have lived a mundane life, away from many experiences people my age would have lived. As a result, the very picture before me shook my world. I saw them living in a world completely different from me, right in front of my eyes, seeing, feeling and hearing things, all that didn’t exist. Forget inventing planes, this ability of the brain is magical. If seeing isn’t believing, then what is?

I have heard of people conjuring stories they believe to be the truth after experiencing traumatic, near death experiences. People going crazy due to their loneliness and the ability of the brain to bring non-existent characters into existence just to make up for the human need for interaction. It is also very powerful. So powerful that I fail to question if it is the brain that controls my actions or if it is me who is in control?

As I decided to go deeper, I realised the brain has its own modus operandi. To fulfill its need, it can manipulate it’s human through feelings and emotions. It uses feelings to distinguish an emotion and uses that emotion to decide whether that particular action can be repeated or not. It wants to live and it can go to any lengths to do so. But what is the connection between having a need and having to fulfill it to live a comfortable life?

Because unfulfilled needs lead to unstable emotions and unstable emotions affect a human being’s actions. When I am in a positive mood I can make clearer decisions, have hope for the future as a result of which I am more productive. But when I am in a negative mood, the world around me turns dull, everything seems to be a roadblock and I lack the motivation to even check if it true.

If I need to control my brain and let it work for me, I need to be able to overcome my emotions. At the end it is a battle of me vs. me and I would never have figured it out had I not gone inward and looked for issues within. I would have believed that the issue lay with the world outside and would have ignorantly lived my life.

It does seem like feeling good is a choice, depending on whether you wish to be successful or not. Because the brain is meant for survival not success. As i said, how people perceive things depend on context and two people in the same room can live in two different realities. The funny thing is, such a powerful little thing can easily be tricked. We are used to believing what we are seeing but it is also important to keep in mind that memories are half emotions. You believe it because it brings out something from you. Had you been indifferent, it is hard to even have an impression. It might ask for reasons but also accept any crooked reason as long as it thinks it makes sense. I guess that is why people say affirmations work. As long as I say what I need to say with conviction, the brain has no other option but to believe it because for it repetition means absolute.

Think about it, people who have failed a few times believe they are never meant for success, people who have succeeded a few times believe they will never fail. It’s just like confirmation bias, you say something the brain will start to look for evidences in everyday life to prove it. And its defective processing is such that it will never go against what you believe in.

Our reasons may be different from the absolute truth but we only need to believe what we need to believe in order to succeed, because our limited abilities does not allow us to know everything.